Today, I had the pleasure of doing a parent training in positive behavior supports with a small group of teens who are parents. This six-week program is all about how to use the Pyramid Model practices at home to support the social and emotional development of young children.
Today's focus was on how to play with your child to help promote some friendship skills. The training included six tips for how to incorporate yourself into your child's play.
1. Follow your child's lead: This means allowing your child to choose the materials they would like to play with and let them organize the play situation. Let them be in charge of what your role will be in the play. If you take a little time to watch them in a play situation, you can ask to have a role, asking, "What do you want me to do?"
2. Talk, talk, talk about what you are doing: Think of yourself a little like a sports announcer for your child's play. By narrating (e.g. "oh, it looks like you are making a tall building with those blocks") you are keeping your child engaged in their play, building up vocabulary, and showing your child you are interested in what they are doing. Be careful, if you ask too many questions, rather than describing and commenting on what you are seeing, your child can get fristrated.
3. Encourage your child's creativity: While playing, ask your child how to do things or help to expand their play. If they decide they are pretending to make you a pizza, pick up a block and pretend to "call" them and put in your order for a pepperoni and mushroom pizza. Then, ask if you can make a pizza for them and see what they decide to order when they "call" you with the block. If they give you a role, ask them how you should do it. If they are building with blocks, as what they are a making and what else it needs. If they are playing with vehicles, ask where they are going and what they are doing when they get there. All of this helps build their ability to expand their play and think symbolically.
4. Watch for cues that your child might be losing interest in the play situation: Look for your child's attention wondering, walking away, or other signs that a change in play or a break from play for a bit may be in order. Play should remain fun. If you child doesn't play a game to the end, that's okay. It also may be a sign that they are still learning the skills needed to sustain play, like turn taking, sharing, and giving compliments. The more they have opportunities to play, they more chances they have to practice, and refine those friendship skills.
5. Avoid power struggles: Again, they play should be enjoyable for your child. As the adult, you have more self-control and are more able to "go with the flow" than your child may be able to yet. Rather than imposing game rules and getting upset when your child cannot follow them, consider asking, "How do you want to play this game?" Sometimes kids come up with truly inventive ways to play games that can work for everyone. While you may want to work on your child learning colors, numbers, or letters, let play time be a time where that kind of learning doesn't matter as much. Besides, you'll be helping your child learn to be a good friend, also a very important skill.
6. Have fun together: Really, this is the main point of joining your child in play. You can enjoy the play and laugh and be silly with your child. This will reinforce your positive relationship and trust with your child. So, do remember to have fun.
Making play time positive and allowing your child to be creative can be a lot of fun for you, too. Here is a video from Zero to Three that outlines the ways playing with your child can benefit their development.
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