Let's Get Real About Trauma Informed Practices

There is a lot of buzz in the world of education about "Trauma Informed Practices" and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE's) research alerting educators to the impacts of traumatic experiences on early developing brains and calling for more training and understanding of these practices. The infographic below is an example of the kind of information that is imparted to educators in trainings on childhood trauma. 

Source: https://www.focusforhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/childhood-traumas-graphic.png

Don't get me wrong, as you read this post, I believe the statistics and the research on trauma's impacts. But, I do think there can be a tendency for educators to over-generalize the negative effects of traumatic experiences to all children who are at risk for having these outcomes. 

I have been consulting, coaching and training teachers in Head Start and Preschool Expansion Grant (children from families at or below 200% poverty level) classrooms for the last three years on how to increase their practices with The Pyramid Model social and emotional teaching framework. I use the Teaching Pyramid Observational Tool to measure the percentage of these practices teachers are using in their classrooms. 

Overall, teachers in these classrooms are working with preschool aged children (and some infants and toddlers) where they are concerned with the challenging behavior that these kids are using. In coaching conversations, when we are creating action plans and I am asking reflective questions, I have heard teachers say things like, "Well, for the population that I teach, I just don't think it will work." Or, "These kids need so much and their lives are so difficult. It's not like teaching a typical preschool group." And, I swear this one is a direct quote, "I mourn for these kids and the terrible home-lives they have." These, and other similar comments are not uncommon for me to hear. 

What bothers me about comments like that, is that the teachers who say them are coming from a deficit mindset about the kids they are teaching. There is a note a pity to them that I find somewhat infuriating and always frustrating. They make assumptions of kids abilities (or lack thereof) based on background information. Challenging behavior (i.e. swearing, hitting, taking toys) is looked at as the failing of parents to be good role models for positive discipline. Or, it is the result of the opioid crisis and parents with substance use disorder, which is a problem that may feel is too overwhelming. 

While this is a long quote, it has been one of my favorites since I read the book Happiness by Aminata Forna. It illustrates the problem with this deficit lens of trauma. The character, Atilla, is a psychologist who helps support communities who have been through traumatic events such as war or oppression. This is his response to a graduate student who has just said that she is curious about what damage will be manifested in the people in her trauma study. 

“There is nothing in evitable about the impact of trauma, except perhaps the way the victim is going to be treated by professionals like us, who then ascribe every subsequent difficulty in their lives to what has happened to them in the past. We don’t blame victims any longer, instead we condemn them. We treat them like damaged goods and in so doing we compound the pain of whatever wound has been inflicted and we encourage everyone around them to do the same. The fact of the matter is that most people who have endured trauma do so without lasting negative effects, but we overlook the ones who cope because we never see them. It’s a simple logical fallacy. You already have the answer, so you construct the supporting argument. Trauma causes suffering, suffering causes damage. But what we don’t know is whether the absence of adverse life events creates the ideal conditions for human development. We just assume it does. And if damage does somehow occur in a life lived behind the white picket fence, we must find something, anything, the behavior of a parent, the death of a pet, and we call it the inciting incident. You’re saying that if there was an incident, ergo there must be damage. Equally if there is damage ergo there must be an incident. Both logical fallacies. And what is life without incident? Is such a life even possible?” He took a sip of his water. “How do we become human except in the face of adversity?”

The good news is that those of us who are early childhood educators can have a lasting impact on building resilience in children who have experienced trauma. We can listen to children, build positive relationships and support them in a safe environment to help them either demonstrate the resilience that they already have, or support young children who need to build up those protective factors by being their rock. The better news is that, if we are doing the work, we do this for ALL kids. The phenomenon of resilience is so common that the researcher who has studied it the most deeply, Ann S. Masten has coined it as "ordinary magic." Resiliency is actually a more prevalent outcome from trauma than damage. 

Early childhood educators have the skills to harness this "ordinary magic," but to do so, they need to start from a strengths-based lens as they teach and assess their students. While all of those statistics are real, they are current statistics and they do not have to define the future. And early childhood educators are in a strategic position to help change that trajectory. 

Rules of the House

One of the things I get do as a part of being a consultant and earlier, when I was a special educator, is working with parents to help them problem solve ways to better respond to and understand their child's challenging behavior. 

Today, I had the pleasure of working with five teen moms of children ranging from prenatal to 3 years old. We were focusing on how to teach you children what you would like them to do. 

Part of this is re-framing our directions and rules for children from "Don'ts" to "Dos." For information on giving directions, here is a link to a family handout "How to Give Clear Directions". 

I'm going to focus on how to create family house rules with young children. How did you learn the rules for your home of origin? If you grew up like me, they were spoken to us regularly when we broke rules or annoyed our parents. The rules I remember most were these:

1. No going barefoot in the house until you get in bed
2. No friends aloud upstairs
3. No talking about family business outside of the house
4. The kitchen is closed after dinner. 

I can also remember when and why each of these rules was established. My sister cut her foot on a piece of broken glass in the house, hence we must have shoes on. Ten dollars was stolen from my dad's dresser--thus no friends upstairs. My parents were very protective of their privacy, and there were six kids who could blabber their business, so we were asked to keep our the privacy. We also tended to graze in the kitchen until bedtime, often on the food my mother was planning on having for dinner on other nights. 

One problem with these rules, other than it shows my parents' hot buttons, is that they are all stated as Don'ts, with the exception of rule number four. What's a little funny about number four is that, while the kitchen was closed after dinner (my dad literally closed the doors to that room), when my parents went to bed, it magically opened back up again. With a little tweaking, these rules could be stated so that we knew what was allowed. 

1. Keep shoes on inside until you got to bed
2. Friends stay on the first floor or in the basement
3. What happens in this house stays in this house (yep--it was our home rule before Vegas had that slogan) 
4. The kitchen is closed after dinner and until breakfast (closes our loophole) 

If you have young children, you probably have some rules for home. Are they stated in a way that the children know what TO DO instead of what not to do? For example, if one of your rules is, "No running inside," that leaves a lot of choices. Can I skip? Jump? Roll? However, restated as, "We walk when we are inside," is much clearer and more likely what most parents mean by the "no running" rule. 

Here are some suggested "Rules for creating family rules" for young children. 

1. Keep the list between 3 and 5 rules
2. Phrase them descriptively with the behavior you want to see
3. Pick rules that can be applied to a lot of situations
4. Teach your kids the rules and talk about the rules when they are not being broken.
5. Write the rules down and find visuals to go with them. 

Here is an example of family rules with visuals to go with them

Here is an example from The Pyramid Model of a list of house rules stated clearly

• Clean up after yourself
• Use a quiet voice indoors
• Ask before you use something that is not yours
• Use words to solve problems

Some other ideas that the young parents in my group today came up with: 

• Use gentle touch with people and pets
• Feet need to stay on or near the floor
• When you are mad, find a place to calm down or take breaths

The rules you choose need to make sense for your family and your household. That's why each family has different rules. The last thing is to take some time to share and practice the rules with your children. Have them demonstrate what "walking feet" or "cleaning up after yourself" look like. Make a poster of the rules with pictures so you children have a reminder that they can reference, even when you are not stating the rules. You can also reference that visual list before activities to remind them what the rules are. It is also important that the rules apply to everyone--adults in the family need to be good role models for following the rules. 

Rules, stated positively and shared are one way to help the expectations for your children to be predictable. When kids know what is expected, they are less likely to engage in challenging behavior. 

Playing with Purpose

Today, I had the pleasure of doing a parent training in positive behavior supports with a small group of teens who are parents. This six-week program is all about how to use the Pyramid Model practices at home to support the social and emotional development of young children. 

Today's focus was on how to play with your child to help promote some friendship skills. The training included six tips for how to incorporate yourself into your child's play. 

1. Follow your child's lead: This means allowing your child to choose the materials they would like to play with and let them organize the play situation. Let them be in charge of what your role will be in the play. If you take a little time to watch them in a play situation, you can ask to have a role, asking, "What do you want me to do?" 

2. Talk, talk, talk about what you are doing: Think of yourself a little like a sports announcer for your child's play. By narrating (e.g. "oh, it looks like you are making a tall building with those blocks") you are keeping your child engaged in their play, building up vocabulary, and showing your child you are interested in what they are doing. Be careful, if you ask too many questions, rather than describing and commenting on what you are seeing, your child can get fristrated. 

3. Encourage your child's creativity: While playing, ask your child how to do things or help to expand their play. If they decide they are pretending to make you a pizza, pick up a block and pretend to "call" them and put in your order for a pepperoni and mushroom pizza. Then, ask if you can make a pizza for them and see what they decide to order when they "call" you with the block. If they give you a role, ask them how you should do it. If they are building with blocks, as what they are a making and what else it needs. If they are playing with vehicles, ask where they are going and what they are doing when they get there. All of this helps build their ability to expand their play and think symbolically. 

4. Watch for cues that your child might be losing interest in the play situation: Look for your child's attention wondering, walking away, or other signs that a change in play or a break from play for a bit may be in order. Play should remain fun. If you child doesn't play a game to the end, that's okay. It also may be a sign that they are still learning the skills needed to sustain play, like turn taking, sharing, and giving compliments. The more they have opportunities to play, they more chances they have to practice, and refine those friendship skills. 

5. Avoid power struggles: Again, they play should be enjoyable for your child. As the adult, you have more self-control and are more able to "go with the flow" than your child may be able to yet. Rather than imposing game rules and getting upset when your child cannot follow them, consider asking, "How do you want to play this game?" Sometimes kids come up with truly inventive ways to play games that can work for everyone. While you may want to work on your child learning colors, numbers, or letters, let play time be a time where that kind of learning doesn't matter as much. Besides, you'll be helping your child learn to be a good friend, also a very important skill. 

6. Have fun together: Really, this is the main point of joining your child in play. You can enjoy the play and laugh and be silly with your child. This will reinforce your positive relationship and trust with your child. So, do remember to have fun. 

Making play time positive and allowing your child to be creative can be a lot of fun for you, too. Here is a video from Zero to Three that outlines the ways playing with your child can benefit their development. 

Click HERE to view The Power of Play

Choosing Children's Books

When I was teaching in child care, as a nanny, and then as a preschool teacher, I was always on a hunt for books that held my attention to read over and over again to kids. I became a Scholastic Book Club junkie and my collection grew like crazy. When I stopped working in the classroom everyday, I weeded out my collection and only kept books I really loved reading over and over, and then kept a few more because they had some great instructional value. 

When you read to children, you need to be animated and take on the voices of the characters. One of my favorite books to do the voice for is The True Story of the Three Little Pigs as Told by A. Wolf by John Scieszka and illustrated by Lane Smith. This is the familiar fairy tale, but told from the wolf's perspective--spoiler alert--he was framed. When I tell this story, I use a heavy Brooklyn accent for the wolf's voice and it kills with the preschool crowd. 

Many of the books I love are humorous, or poignant, and have a well-developed plot that leads to a lot of discussion with the child about the story. I want books that do not "dumb down" vocabulary for young kids, but whose authors realize that young children need exposure to rich language in order to develop their own vocabulary. Those more simple books are okay if the child is expected to be the reader, but when the adult is doing the heavy lifting, the words should be varied and fun. There are a few exceptions, such as some of the very good Dr. Suess books--but he was a master of using simplified vocabulary in playful ways that is even poetic. 

When choosing books, I look for those that have something for the grown up reading, but that is also engaging for the child. I would not waste too much time reading stories that you do not also love. If you don't love them, and reading feels like a chore because of that, the kids may pick up on that. The point of reading to your child daily is to help them learn to LOVE hearing stories, and to eventually want to read them to themselves and to others. 

Don't forget that in most of the best picture books, the illustrations tell as much of the story as the words--often even more. Talk about what is going on in the pictures with your child to help them see the full richness of the book you are sharing with them. A couple of books on my list have few or no words, and that is where the illustrator is truly the storyteller. When these are done well, it's an opportunity for you to discuss the plot with your child and have a conversation about the story that the pictures tell. 

Here are some of my all-time favorite books to read to young children. 

For the very young: 

• Are You My Mother by P. D. Eastman
• But Not the Hippopotamus by Sandra Boynton (I like almost ALL of her board books)
• Moo Baa La La La by Sandra Boynton
• On the Day You Were Born by Debra Fraser
• It's Okay to Be Different by Todd Parr
• No David by David Shannon
• There's A Wocket in My Pocket by Dr. Suess
• We're Going on a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen (and illustrations by Helen Oxenbury) 
• Jamberry by Bruce Degen
• Goodnight Gorilla by Peggy Rathbun
• 10 Minutes to Bedtime by Peggy Rathbun
• Freight Train by Donald Crews

Getting Older:

• Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
• Piggie Pie by Margie Palatini
• Nimby by Jasper Tomkins (out of print, but you can find it at libraries or used) 
• The Three Little Wolves and the Big Bad Pig by Eugene Travizas
• Knuffle Bunny by Mo Willems
• Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon by Patty Lovell
• Horace and Morris, but Mostly Delores by James Howe
• Officer Buckle and Gloria by Peggy Rathbun
• I've Got Two Dogs by John Lithgow (comes with a CD with the song) 
• There's a Monster at the End of This Book by Jon Stone (Grover voice is mandatory) 
• Press Here by Herve Tullet
• Pout Pout Fish by Deborah Diesen
• Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus by Mo Willems
• Fortunately by Remy Charlip
• Interrupting Chicken by David Ezra Stein
• Tuesday by David Weisner
• Sheep in a Jeep by Nancy E. Shaw
• What a Wonderful World by George David Weiss and Bob Thiele

Still Fun into Kindergarten

• The True Story of the Three Little Pigs as Told by A. Wolf by John Scieszk
• Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes
• Olivia by Ian Falconer
• The Mitten by Jan Brett
• Click Clack Moo, Cows That Type by Doreen Cronin
• I Stink by Kate McMullan
• Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig
• Favor Johnson by Willem Lange
• Jamie O'Rourke and the Big Potato by Tomie dePoala
• Lemonade in Winter by Emily Jenkins
• A Letter to Amy by Ezra Jack Keats
• Flotsam by David Weisner

These are the ones that are right off the top of my head. There are authors represented up there that have other great books, like Kevin Henkes, Mo Willems, and Jan Brett, but I was trying to pick my favorites from those writers. I am sure I have missed some great books, but these are stories that my students named over and over again as their favorite books.