Playing with Purpose

Today, I had the pleasure of doing a parent training in positive behavior supports with a small group of teens who are parents. This six-week program is all about how to use the Pyramid Model practices at home to support the social and emotional development of young children. 

Today's focus was on how to play with your child to help promote some friendship skills. The training included six tips for how to incorporate yourself into your child's play. 

1. Follow your child's lead: This means allowing your child to choose the materials they would like to play with and let them organize the play situation. Let them be in charge of what your role will be in the play. If you take a little time to watch them in a play situation, you can ask to have a role, asking, "What do you want me to do?" 

2. Talk, talk, talk about what you are doing: Think of yourself a little like a sports announcer for your child's play. By narrating (e.g. "oh, it looks like you are making a tall building with those blocks") you are keeping your child engaged in their play, building up vocabulary, and showing your child you are interested in what they are doing. Be careful, if you ask too many questions, rather than describing and commenting on what you are seeing, your child can get fristrated. 

3. Encourage your child's creativity: While playing, ask your child how to do things or help to expand their play. If they decide they are pretending to make you a pizza, pick up a block and pretend to "call" them and put in your order for a pepperoni and mushroom pizza. Then, ask if you can make a pizza for them and see what they decide to order when they "call" you with the block. If they give you a role, ask them how you should do it. If they are building with blocks, as what they are a making and what else it needs. If they are playing with vehicles, ask where they are going and what they are doing when they get there. All of this helps build their ability to expand their play and think symbolically. 

4. Watch for cues that your child might be losing interest in the play situation: Look for your child's attention wondering, walking away, or other signs that a change in play or a break from play for a bit may be in order. Play should remain fun. If you child doesn't play a game to the end, that's okay. It also may be a sign that they are still learning the skills needed to sustain play, like turn taking, sharing, and giving compliments. The more they have opportunities to play, they more chances they have to practice, and refine those friendship skills. 

5. Avoid power struggles: Again, they play should be enjoyable for your child. As the adult, you have more self-control and are more able to "go with the flow" than your child may be able to yet. Rather than imposing game rules and getting upset when your child cannot follow them, consider asking, "How do you want to play this game?" Sometimes kids come up with truly inventive ways to play games that can work for everyone. While you may want to work on your child learning colors, numbers, or letters, let play time be a time where that kind of learning doesn't matter as much. Besides, you'll be helping your child learn to be a good friend, also a very important skill. 

6. Have fun together: Really, this is the main point of joining your child in play. You can enjoy the play and laugh and be silly with your child. This will reinforce your positive relationship and trust with your child. So, do remember to have fun. 

Making play time positive and allowing your child to be creative can be a lot of fun for you, too. Here is a video from Zero to Three that outlines the ways playing with your child can benefit their development. 

Click HERE to view The Power of Play

Choosing Children's Books

When I was teaching in child care, as a nanny, and then as a preschool teacher, I was always on a hunt for books that held my attention to read over and over again to kids. I became a Scholastic Book Club junkie and my collection grew like crazy. When I stopped working in the classroom everyday, I weeded out my collection and only kept books I really loved reading over and over, and then kept a few more because they had some great instructional value. 

When you read to children, you need to be animated and take on the voices of the characters. One of my favorite books to do the voice for is The True Story of the Three Little Pigs as Told by A. Wolf by John Scieszka and illustrated by Lane Smith. This is the familiar fairy tale, but told from the wolf's perspective--spoiler alert--he was framed. When I tell this story, I use a heavy Brooklyn accent for the wolf's voice and it kills with the preschool crowd. 

Many of the books I love are humorous, or poignant, and have a well-developed plot that leads to a lot of discussion with the child about the story. I want books that do not "dumb down" vocabulary for young kids, but whose authors realize that young children need exposure to rich language in order to develop their own vocabulary. Those more simple books are okay if the child is expected to be the reader, but when the adult is doing the heavy lifting, the words should be varied and fun. There are a few exceptions, such as some of the very good Dr. Suess books--but he was a master of using simplified vocabulary in playful ways that is even poetic. 

When choosing books, I look for those that have something for the grown up reading, but that is also engaging for the child. I would not waste too much time reading stories that you do not also love. If you don't love them, and reading feels like a chore because of that, the kids may pick up on that. The point of reading to your child daily is to help them learn to LOVE hearing stories, and to eventually want to read them to themselves and to others. 

Don't forget that in most of the best picture books, the illustrations tell as much of the story as the words--often even more. Talk about what is going on in the pictures with your child to help them see the full richness of the book you are sharing with them. A couple of books on my list have few or no words, and that is where the illustrator is truly the storyteller. When these are done well, it's an opportunity for you to discuss the plot with your child and have a conversation about the story that the pictures tell. 

Here are some of my all-time favorite books to read to young children. 

For the very young: 

• Are You My Mother by P. D. Eastman
• But Not the Hippopotamus by Sandra Boynton (I like almost ALL of her board books)
• Moo Baa La La La by Sandra Boynton
• On the Day You Were Born by Debra Fraser
• It's Okay to Be Different by Todd Parr
• No David by David Shannon
• There's A Wocket in My Pocket by Dr. Suess
• We're Going on a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen (and illustrations by Helen Oxenbury) 
• Jamberry by Bruce Degen
• Goodnight Gorilla by Peggy Rathbun
• 10 Minutes to Bedtime by Peggy Rathbun
• Freight Train by Donald Crews

Getting Older:

• Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
• Piggie Pie by Margie Palatini
• Nimby by Jasper Tomkins (out of print, but you can find it at libraries or used) 
• The Three Little Wolves and the Big Bad Pig by Eugene Travizas
• Knuffle Bunny by Mo Willems
• Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon by Patty Lovell
• Horace and Morris, but Mostly Delores by James Howe
• Officer Buckle and Gloria by Peggy Rathbun
• I've Got Two Dogs by John Lithgow (comes with a CD with the song) 
• There's a Monster at the End of This Book by Jon Stone (Grover voice is mandatory) 
• Press Here by Herve Tullet
• Pout Pout Fish by Deborah Diesen
• Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus by Mo Willems
• Fortunately by Remy Charlip
• Interrupting Chicken by David Ezra Stein
• Tuesday by David Weisner
• Sheep in a Jeep by Nancy E. Shaw
• What a Wonderful World by George David Weiss and Bob Thiele

Still Fun into Kindergarten

• The True Story of the Three Little Pigs as Told by A. Wolf by John Scieszk
• Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes
• Olivia by Ian Falconer
• The Mitten by Jan Brett
• Click Clack Moo, Cows That Type by Doreen Cronin
• I Stink by Kate McMullan
• Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig
• Favor Johnson by Willem Lange
• Jamie O'Rourke and the Big Potato by Tomie dePoala
• Lemonade in Winter by Emily Jenkins
• A Letter to Amy by Ezra Jack Keats
• Flotsam by David Weisner

These are the ones that are right off the top of my head. There are authors represented up there that have other great books, like Kevin Henkes, Mo Willems, and Jan Brett, but I was trying to pick my favorites from those writers. I am sure I have missed some great books, but these are stories that my students named over and over again as their favorite books.